A GIFT

Reaching the age of 46, getting up one morning and hearing the voice inside your head telling you: "It's a nightmare. Everything has fallen apart." Looking back and feeling like you have built your house on sand. And you start thinking that you did this wrong. That wrong.. Until the list becomes as long as a freeway. You start wondering where you ended up, how did you get to be like this, you're ruining the lives of the people close to you .. The mirror becomes something to be avoided, it would take so little to reach that point that would make you want you to crawl somewhere and cry, maybe you fall asleep easily, but if you wake up your mind’s peace is over .. You cannot breath, because you are carrying the weight of a black fog. It's a lady that many people know: it's called depression. She is very different from Lady Sadness, whom more or less everyone meets in their lives but whose visits can be very short. Depression is something quite different, that has much deeper roots. I feel uncomfortable having to talk about this part of myself, but I want to do it so that I may be of help to someone. Do not worry about me: I have learned that this is a gift. All obstacles, imperfections, limitations are gifts. Just know that the only one who can decide to get out of depression is the person who is inside it. Without this decision any outside help becomes vain. I am talking to those who are suffering. Someone said to treat depression as a break. Yes, it's true. We have paused because some balance has broken. And we should not be afraid to consider it so. It means that we have to stop, and figure out what we need to fix and what we need to change. It means that there is a discomfort, that we are keeping ourselves from being happy. The key is to go find our inner strength, wherever it may be. Even in the darkest dark I have felt the Lord supporting me. The certainty of His presence and His love, in the midst of the uncertainties of life, has helped me to keep standing and to grab onto even the smallest bit of strength left. And this is for those who feel helpless because they have someone close who suffers from it: feeling loved is really a big boost. I always felt loved, even in those dark months. I have always been sure that if only I had spoken about my problem, I would have had a crowd of people who would have been there to help me in every possible way. But the fight was (and still is) with myself. The discomfort, in my case, comes from trying to find that part of me that I completely lost, or maybe I had never found. Depression can be a break that leads to the search. If in the meanwhile we live the gospel principles, we can’t avoid to find ourselves through others. A sincere desire to serve, even if we find ourselves without strength and resources, helps us do that first small step. Even the longest of walks is done one step at the time. That first step is up to us. I turn again to those who often or occasionally go "on pause": love what happens to you. Take advantage of all this to become sensitive, compassionate, empathetic, generous, understanding, loving, discreet, sympathetic. This will only make you a better person.

And then you will realize that this was truly a gift and you will be grateful for it.

As I did.

A hug. Eleonora